If your partner is becoming a surrogate, one of your first questions may be, how do I help them? What kind of support can I provide to make their lives easier and happier while they are carrying a child for a couple in need? At first blush, there are a host of answers: take on additional parenting duties, do more chores around the house, make sure that they have a ride to the doctor. Your partner is doing something amazing for a stranger, though – how can you compare?
Here are some things you can do to make your partner’s life easier while they go through surrogacy that will help long-term, and they will be grateful for it.
Get In on the Planning
In the initial stages of surrogacy, there is a lot of planning. Between doctor visits, screenings, meetings, and medications, your partner may feel overwhelmed by the sheer size of it. Your agency will help you schedule dates for all these things and keep timelines, but travel is up to you.
Take the initiative here! Remember, your partner may be on IVF medication and be overwhelmed by choice due to a hormone change. If you are reliable as someone who knows where you’re going, when, and where you’re staying, it can take a load off of your partner.
If your significant other is the kind who would prefer control over their travel, you can set an alarm on your phone for medication and help during the process to make sure your partner never misses a dose.
These things help your partner feel like there is equilibrium in their life and you are involved and supportive.
Help Them Think About Something Else
Sometimes, surrogacy is stressful, and your partner may become obsessed with their pregnancy tests, the IVF process, news from a doctor’s visit, or many other things. The best thing you can do in this case is help them take their mind off it.
If your partner seems like they’re getting overwhelmed with worry, reassure them and then treat them to a nice date night so that they can focus on something else. You know them better than anyone – a fun and engaging date night or family outing shouldn’t be too hard to organize.
There are a lot of times in surrogacy and pregnancy when your partner will get concerned or just need someone to vent to about their problems. The best thing you can do as their partner is be there for them and really listen to what they’re saying.
Chances are, your partner may need support in another way and isn’t sure how to express it. By hearing out what is giving them concern and making them upset, you can find out how best to fix what they have a problem with. Even if there isn’t a solution apparent to you, having someone listen does a lot for someone’s psyche.
There are a lot of misconceptions in the media and news about surrogacy, and it can be exhausting as a surrogate to educate the people around you. Instead of waiting for people to ask your partner about their current pregnancy, inform them of the situation and educate them.
People who are learning about surrogacy ask a lot of uncomfortable questions, so be prepared to have some through “and you’re okay with that?” and other insensitive comments made towards the process.
Take Every Opportunity
Do you know your partner’s love language? Take every opportunity to do the things they love with them, and show them that you love and support them the entire time they are doing surrogacy. They may hear from others about unsupportive partners and trouble at home from reduced intimacy.
Don’t be that partner! It’s that simple. Be kind because your partner is doing something that is beyond altruistic for a family in need.
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