Becoming a Surrogate Mother: How to Tell your Children

Giving someone the opportunity to experience parenthood is a wonderful, selfless gift. Making the decision to become a surrogate mother is not easy. Surrogacy is an intense journey with many ups and downs along the way. You’ve probably spent months thinking about what the process entails and have dedicated time to extensive research. What  is important to keep in mind however, is the fact that becoming a surrogate will not only affect you, but also your entire family.

One of the biggest concerns women have when considering to become a surrogate mother is how to tell their children. Throughout these nine months a lot of things will change. You and your family will have to make adjustments prior to the arrival of the baby. Many parents often feel uncomfortable discussing birth and conception with their children. Therefore, it’s understandable that having to also talk to your kids about the additional legal, medical, and emotional complexities of surrogacy can actually be quite overwhelming.

Telling your Child About Becoming a Surrogate Mother:

It is recommended that you tell your family once you have made the final decision to become a surrogate. In order to have a healthy relationship with your children, communication is key. Being open, honest and straightforward will enhance the bond you share with your child.

Work through and explain the process of surrogacy to them clearly, without downplaying their feelings. The way your child will take the news is really dependent on their age and personality. Some children are more sensitive than others. Emotions can range from happiness, jealousy and anger to resentment and sadness. They may voice their feelings of abandonment or they may be angry that the baby won’t be staying with the family, and have trouble accepting the fact that they will not get the chance to be an older brother or sister.

At the end of the day, kids like to be involved in the decision-making process so it may be a good idea to keep them in the loop. Inform them about the reproductive cycle and how babies are made. Choosing to delay telling your children about your choice to become a surrogate mother may lead them to resent you and the intended parents. In addition, failing to tell the truth may leave you with feelings of guilt and may cause your children to have a negative view of surrogacy. It may even be a good idea to introduce them to the prospective parents to get a better understanding of the situation.

Present your role as a surrogate mother in a positive light. Explain to your child that making the decision to pursue surrogacy is a rewarding experience. With your help and generosity, you are giving another family an opportunity to expand or create a family of their own. Give your children reassurance and tell them you love them and would never think to give them away. Encourage them to ask questions and allow them to voice their opinions freely. Getting your family on board with the idea and gaining support from your loved ones will make your nine month journey of surrogacy easier.

If you are still debating becoming a surrogate but not sure what the entire process entails, do not hesitate to contact us today!